vivarium | An Unsuitable Job for a Detective [closed to Snake]

*Snake had spent a day recovering from being hungover. With nothing else to do but wait for the pain to go away, he'd had a lot of time to think. The pain felt like a bit of punishment for letting things get out of control with Heiji. He woke up this morning feeling better. He'd shelled out coins for a shower and a chance to clean some of his clothes, eat gruel and take a nap. He personally vowed that after the nap, he'd have to be sharply focused on his actions from then on. He'd be devoted to keeping his emotions in check because look at the mistakes he'd already made.

*That was the plan anyway. Until he felt the note in his hand. It didn't take him but a moment to figure out who it was from. He vaguely remembered Heiji asking him what was wrong. That must have been what this note was about. Well...he'd have to figure out what to say. At the very least he was clean, his jacket with the braiding on it was clean, and his hair smelled like apples. Snake was privately impressed at how fast Heiji picked up on braille. It would make for a good means of passing notes if they got more people to learn it.

*Once he got to the garden, he heard Heiji announce his presence. He gave the other a cool nod.* So. What did you want to talk about?

Well, this was starting out promising. Heiji had actually showered earlier just to make sure he at least looked like he was ready for this, so apparently they could both smell like apples together. In truth, he wasn't really sure where he should start, especially not with Snake actually there looking all neat and pressed.

"Listen, I... I feel like things have been a little strange lately, especially after that grey room. And I finally understand why. I wasn't gonna say anything about it, but I figured you deserve to know, so..."

Ugh, he was fidgeting, but he just couldn't help himself. The coolness in Snake's voice only agitated him further. Why was he always the one getting flustered over this? "...The truth is, I like you. A lot."

*I like you. A lot. If Heiji had taken a giant scythe to his icy cool reserve, it could not have don't more damage than five simple words.*

Wh-what? *Snake's eyes fluttered open in surprise. Did he just...did he hear right?*

Shit, shit, goddammit. Should he have eased into that more? But how could he have?

"I mean... I know you're probably not into guys..." HAHAHA, 'probably not into guys'. Yeah, he was going to be lucky if Snake didn't completely flip his shit. Why had he thought this was a good idea this was a terrible idea

"But I... um." Yeah, he didn't even know where he was going with this.

Can...can you just...give me a moment here? *That shock in his voice was genuine, but not for the reason Heiji thought.

*Wait. He LIKED him back? Of all the things he'd imagined, this was never EVER something he'd predicted. He couldn't make his mind quite WORK. He needed more information!*

And...when did you come to this conclusion exactly?

Ugh, and now the cycle of humiliation was complete. Did he really have to revisit the moment he'd come to his realization? But he'd said that Snake deserved to know, so...

"After I -- " After he made out with Snake? Yeah, like he was going to say that. "...After the grey room, I guess. I mean, it must have started a lot sooner, but after that, I started thinking, and..."

His face felt like it was burning; he looked away even though of course Snake couldn't even see him. "I guess that's when I finally realized."

*It started a lot sooner? Snake's mind skipped backward in time, like a show in reverse, to all the random incidents they'd had together. The kind words, the accidental touches. The blowing air on the back of his neck. The songs they sung together. The realization made him need to cover up his mouth with his hand.*

I see. *No really, he did.* And you decided on your birthday to make this pronouncement? I do remember you saying something about a birthday, right?

Heiji was being carded during his love confession.

His suffering was unending and terrible.

"...Yeah, it's today." You're welcome, Snake. He waited a few days before telling you just to make you slightly less uncomfortable. Well, that and Snake had been pretty drunk and/or hungover for the past day or so.

*Then...it was okay. Everything was okay. All that ugly feeling he'd been carrying since the grey room lost its stranglehold on his chest. He hadn't been leading someone along. Heiji had wanted what had happened and then been quite confused about it. Not only that, Heiji had been adult enough to make a decision and now was adult in fact.

*Snake hadn't done anything wrong at all. He'd kept all his feelings to himself until the proper time. Which was now. And Heiji actually liked him back. Everything was...okay.*

Heiji? I know this must have taken a lot of courage to let me know this so I appreciate your candor. *The calm in his voice belied the racing of his heart. He had to do this just right.*

Well. That was. At least Snake wasn't freaking out? And he hadn't said anything awful, so... that was a plus. But this sounded like the beginning of a brush-off to Heiji, who by now was just hoping this wasn't going to end in awkward handshakes.

"Sure. Thanks... I guess."

So I think it's only fair that I tell you something as well.

*Snake could tell where Heiji was standing by their continued conversation. While the back of his head crunched the math on distance, angles and avoiding collisions, the emotional part took over. His cool expression melted into something rare and warm. What had seemed like an impossible divide between them turned into only a few feet to cross.

*Snake wrapped his arms around Heiji and tucked his head on Heiji's left shoulder. His voice dropped an octave, husky with emotion.* Jitsu wa, kimi nokoto meccha suki yanen. Sasuke said it meant that you liked someone. So that's what I'm telling you too. I like you too, Heiji Hattori. I like you a lot.

Edited 2014-12-06 17:36 (UTC)

Heiji's eyes widened as Snake suddenly approached him; when he felt arms around him, he froze up entirely. It was the first time Snake had ever initiated an embrace, and Heiji found that now it was happening, he had no idea what to do.

When he felt Snake lean over -- when he heard that voice in his ear, lowered and completely different from the way Snake usually spoke to him, he could hardly stand it. He dropped his gaze, unable to stop himself from shivering a little as Snake continued to speak. He was so close.

Why was something so small affecting him this much...?

He could trust Snake, right? Snake wouldn't say something like that just to mess with him. Right...?

"You..." But for once he couldn't think of anything to say. Instead, he reached out, wrapping his left arm around Snake's shoulders and the other around his waist. Drawing him close. This wasn't a dream, was it...?

*No. No it wasn't. Snake sighed as Heiji pulled them close together. Was Heiji's pulse hammering as hard as his own? He could even smell the scent of the apple shampoo they were all given to use from Heiji's hair.*

You have no idea how much I appreciate your courage. It finally made me brave enough to tell you what I've been hiding for quite a while. Do you mind if I explain myself a little bit to you, Heiji?

What he'd been hiding for quite a while? So Snake had already liked him?

"Why didn't you say anything?" It was almost a question to himself, but that was what he really wanted to know. If Snake had told him earlier, maybe he would have realized his own feelings sooner. Maybe they could have...

*To explain that, he'd need to be less cuddly and more serious. He stood away from Heiji, but not too far. He still kept his hands on Heiji's shoulders. He just...needed to touch him now that he knew everything was fine.*

When I told you the woman in my memory was my sister, I left a little part out. She'd been worried about how a breakup had gone...with an ex-boyfriend. So it wasn't a surprise to me that I liked women and men. I think...it's more like smart people but that's beside the point.

It wasn't long after that that I knew I liked you. Except we had that conversation about how you'd tell someone you liked them and you were so insistent about how you'd tell a girl you'd like her that...well. *He turned his head away.* I figured that pretty much answered that question.

"Oh." Well, that made sense. He'd been pretty sure Snake only liked women, so...

"...It's not like that. I was... I mean, I was just annoyed that it didn't sound like you were takin' it seriously." After all, if you really wanted to date someone, you had to treat them right. "And I do like girls. I just... also..."

He took a half step closer. "...But then how come you been all cool with me lately?"

*Crap. Here was the meat of the problem. He'd have to just admit it and hope Heiji could either understand or forgive. Otherwise they might just never get off the ground.*

It's because of the room. That stupid grey room. I could deal with liking you and not liking me back and keeping it to myself. But that room. It was humiliating to be exposed that way with my arm. I didn't have any say in what I wanted. And then the kissing?

*He gave a little frustrated noise.* Trying to kiss you and half-ass it without you somehow realizing what I was feeling was difficult enough. Then because you were so...enthusiastic about it, I got this evil thought in my head.

I could just play along and escalate it. It'd be...fun. Just make it another competition. So that's what I tried to do. Except...I couldn't.

*His voice dropped to a whisper.* Even if you didn't realize what was happening, I certainly would. And I couldn't treat you that way. I felt sick at the thought of hurting you. So I made you stop.

"...For a smart guy, you sure can be dumb." Despite the harsh words, there was no malice in Heiji's voice. Instead, there was something entirely different in his tone. Relief? Exasperation? Those were there, but also something else, new and tentatively open.

He took another step forward, until his soft, dark bangs were brushing up against Snake's forehead. "What kind of idiot would play along with a contest like that unless they wanted to? I didn't even complain when Calhoun told me to climb on your lap, I just did it!"

Heiji's cheeks were bright red as he continued to talk. "And there's no way I woulda done all that extra stuff just to check off some dare. I even... licked..." Ugh, what was wrong with him? Why hadn't he figured it out?

*Snake leaned his forehead against Heiji's. The bit of bangs he could feel on his skin did feel soft. He couldn't help but smile.* Yes. Yes actually you did.

I suppose...I suppose I was concentrating so hard on not letting anything show that I wasn't paying attention to what you were doing. And maybe you might have been doing the same.

So feeling as I was, I thought I could just bury it and never talk about it again. It's what I was planning on doing. Except you sounded so hurt later on that...I couldn't shut you out. You're a remarkably persistent man, Heiji.

And then...the sleepover. *One last bit of embarrassment but he could do this! He had to.*

"Of course I did! You came in talkin' about how awful it was and how you wanted to forget all about it! I was tryin' to bring up how I... felt..." Against his better judgment, honestly, but again, he'd figured that Snake should know about it.

"But after that, I just figured you thought it was disgusting." And that still stung, honestly, even if he knew that he'd been wrong about why Snake had been so bothered.

"...What about the sleepover?"

So I hurt you anyway, despite my best intentions. *A sigh.* Sometimes we fail no matter what we do.

Well. Consider how I was feeling and then you told me how old you were. That made me feel a thousand times worse. I don't know what the law is in your country but where I suspect I'm from, it's pretty damn strict about relationships with people who aren't legal adults. Namely, you don't or you're viewed as a criminal and sexual predator.

I understand that it's because of the stupid game we're in we had to share that experience but it set off a whole lot of paranoid thought in my head. Was I really into the underaged? Did I have some evil tendencies that I didn't remember? At that point, the only thing that made sense was to get as drunk as possible.

Of course, my good sense came to me while I was hungover and I knew I wasn't any of those things. But then I knew I'd have to figure out what to do. My plan was to regain iron control over everything and be your friend but...just keep you at a distance at the same time.

Except you told me that you liked me. And now here we are. *With that, he'd finally told everything. He gave a really long sigh and rested his head against Heiji's shoulder. He felt weak with relief and the heavy weight he'd been carrying started to vanish.*

"Where I'm from, it's not that strict. I mean, yeah, you can't married until you're 18. But there are definitely girls who're sweet on an older guy. They just wait 'til they're a little older before they get serious." At least, that was Heiji's feeling on it.

"Well... I guess I understand." After a moment, he rested his cheek against Snake's. "But you better not do it again. ...Keep me at a distance, I mean. If you do, I'm not going easy on you!"

Oh really? I might actually enjoy that. *His tone? The most teasing ever.*

So those are all the sordid details of what I've been doing. You know, in hindsight, each of us should have realized what was going on. *Now that he felt remarkably better, Snake went back to holding Heiji. This time, he nuzzled against Heiji's dark hair.*

Speaking of hindsight, a thought occurs to me. Heiji, in that first bingo game, where you kissed me, why did you want to continue?

"Wh... what?" What was this all of a sudden? "I was just -- "

Fine. You know what, fine. He was going to come clean. "I didn't expect to like it that much. That's why I wanted to try it again, to figure out why. But you wouldn't take the bait."

There. Were you happy, Snake? He turned his face away just a little bit as he leaned back against Snake. "...Deduction requires objectivity and a cool head. So how could anyone accurately deduce the feelings of someone they like?"

Because liking someone isn't about having a cool head at all. It's very much irrational. For example, if I told you I wanted to hold you for about a thousand years, that doesn't make sense at all, does it? Yet, it's what I feel.

So...I guess this is my birthday present to you, Heiji. I like you and I think we should start dating. *He thought about it and added.* As much as one can in this place. What do you think?

The instant Snake stopped talking, Heiji leaned forward and kissed him. There was nothing tentative about his approach this time, no reason to try and pretend there was some other reason he was doing it except that he wanted to and so he was.

When he pulled away, it was only the bare inch or two required to speak. His breath came quicker than before; probably he'd forgotten to breathe while he was at it. "Does that answer your question?"

*Oh. Well. That was surprising. Snake couldn't always predict what Heiji would do. He didn't always have the answers. The thought left him weak in the knees. He spoke again, his voice a low purr.*

I believe it does. Now. I think we should find a nice park bench to sit at. Then, you get on my lap and this time, we'll try kissing each other without anything holding us back, all right?

"You really like that, don't you?" Not that Heiji had any objections. He kind of liked how Snake could be a little bossy sometimes. Just a little.

He took Snake's hand and pulled him over to the park bench, which was luckily close by. "Sit down, then. It's too early for anyone else to be up, so we can take our time."

*Was it too early? Snake had kind of lost track of time with being hungover but it didn't matter. He sat down and waited for Heiji to sit on his lap. Only when Heiji had done that, did Snake reach for him and kiss him the way Snake had wanted to without the worries and the fears. One hand threaded through Heiji's hair at the back of his head and the other circled his waist to hold him in place.*

Never in a million years had Heiji ever thought he'd be doing this when he woke up this morning -- sitting on Snake's lap, arms draped around his shoulders, making out with him. And not because someone had twisted his arm to do it, either.

"I remember. You liked it when I did this, right...?" He used the tip of his index finger to trace slowly along the line of Snake's jaw. "...But you didn't like it when I messed with your tie."

*Snake sucked in a breath at the touch. It was like lighting a match along his skin.*

Well, I didn't like you messing with my tie because it felt like things were getting out of control. I think there will be a time and a place for that. *Probably not for a long time. Snake would need to be careful. Obviously he'd had relationships before but had Heiji? No idea.*

"A 'time and place'...? What, you already got an itinerary planned out or somethin'?" That would be just like Snake. Probably he had his retirement age planned out in advance, too.

"That's fine, I guess. I won't mess with it if you don't want me to. But someone here already got to second base." Was Heiji... sulking a little?

...yeah, he totally was.

Really? I can only speculate but...is it Jake and Emma? *Because honestly, he can't think of anyone else.*

As for an itinerary, no, but I think we might want to pace ourselves. We did just confess we liked each other and we've been dating for about...oh, twenty minutes. *He gave a low chuckle.* I guess it's true what they say about young men. All hormones.

"Ugh, no." Don't even make him picture that image, Snake.

Heiji leaned back a bit, though his arms were still firmly around Snake's shoulders. Thank god no one was around to catch him in such a compromising position. "Wow, listen to you. That make you the 'older man', then?"

But he wasn't rally that annoyed. If Snake wanted to take things slow, that was fine with him. Mostly. Heiji leaned forward and rested his chin on Snake's shoulder. "So you had an ex-boyfriend, huh? Guess he didn't treat ya right."

Edited 2014-12-07 00:29 (UTC)

Curious. Unless...*He wondered. Did other people have problems in the grey rooms?* It was some kind of grey room prank Calhoun liked pulling on everyone?

Well, I am older than you, so yes. And yes, apparently I did and it didn't end well. It's possible I might not have treated him right. I don't really know at this point. Which means I have to treat you better. *Just touching Heiji was wonderful, running a hand through his hair.*

I have a request from you. Do you...mind if I really touch your face? Just so I can picture what you look like in my head?

...!

Heiji tried and almost succeeded at suppressing a little shiver as Snake's fingertips brushed at the nape of his neck. He hadn't thought Snake would be so tactile -- it was a complete 180 from the aloofness he'd always adopted before. Everyone else in the warehouse was much less touchy than Heiji was, and he wasn't used to having it turned back on him like this.

"Y-yeah, guess it does. And sure. It's just like with my clothes, right? I don't mind."

*Snake placed his left hand on Heiji's shoulder. To really touch and feel, Snake needed his right hand. So very carefully he brushed his fingers on Heiji's forehead, down the bridge of his nose, the sweep of each cheekbone, the ridge of each eyebrow, along his jawline and finally, ghosting his fingertips over Heiji's lips. He let his hand drop.*

You're beautiful.

"Wha...?" Heiji was so taken aback with this comment that at first, he wasn't even sure what to say.

"Isn't that... something you say to women...?" He didn't sound displeased with it, though. Or rather, he was trying to sound displeased, but completely failed at it.

*Snake chuckled a little bit.* People can be beautiful, no matter who they are. Or...would you rather say that I think you're very handsome?

"I guess it's... fine either way," said Heiji, which was his sort of dishonest way of hoping Snake would say it again.

"You're really handsome yourself... But I guess you knew that already." He reached over, playing idly with the ends of Snake's hair. "I'm gonna have to keep an eye on the competition."

Competition? You think someone's going to steal me away from you? My beautiful young suitor? *The thought of Heiji getting jealous over someone potentially flirting with him tickled Snake to death.*

Heiji leaned in and kissed Snake once more. "Like I'm gonna let that happen." Not after he'd finally confessed. Apparently Heiji was a bit of a jealous type...? Who knew; that Mark guy had better watch out if they ever crossed paths.

Gosh, Snake sure said some embarrassing things sometimes. But he could get used to it...

"Um, there was one other thing I was gonna ask you."

*Another wonderful kiss. The day had just started and already things were beyond amazing.*

Hmm? What is it?

"Is it okay if I call you Light?" Heiji felt ridiculous being as flustered as he was about asking; after all, hadn't he called Snake that up until he'd come up with the nickname?

But still...

There was something odd in the tone of Heiji's question that suggested there was something more at play here than just an ordinary name preference.

You can if you want, Heiji. Is this...some kind of cultural thing? *That's about the only thing that made sense to what he heard in Heiji's tone.*

"Well... usually you start out with surnames and move to given names when you get to know someone. But I just like it better." Heiji sounded a little sheepish.

"Plus... I don't want to call you the same thing everyone else does. This way it's just between you and me!" Apparently, he was very pleased by the idea.

Something just for us? I like that. *He leaned forward and kissed Heiji on his lips.* I guess I should come up with a name for you that I only I use for you in exchange, hmm? I'll come up with something eventually.

This has been quite an eventful birthday for you already, Heiji.

"Yeah," said Heiji, "I guess it has."

He smiled warmly at Snake, holding him a little closer despite himself. "Is it okay... if we stay like this for a while?"

Yes. Yes it is. *Heiji sat in his lap and Snake held him there, occasionally nuzzling his cheek.*

An Unsuitable Job for a Detective [closed to Snake]

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