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[In the time before the puzzle room goes up and after the happy friendship party that was the last Calhoun (Zero?) Hour feel free to use this post for whatever you want. Top levels, threads with dudes, whatever, live life freely.]

[If you're interested in harassing Hershel here's what he'll be doing:

a) Asking people if they want laundry done. Not unmentionables, he's not some sort of cad here, but he's got shit all to do, can't sleep and might as well do something useful, right? Right. Feel free to find him near the stream, trying not to nod off since getting shocked in the water probably wasn't the best idea in the world. Possibly. Or trying to mend tears or something and making a mess of it. He'll never be a proper old maid at this rate.

b) Trying to play videogames maybe? And by 'play' I mean 'make faces at as they get steadily worse.' He might try a movie or two in the vain hope something will be manageable to watch but yeah. Yeah. Basically any late night lounge activity, assuming no one's already asleep in there, have at.

c) These are hard to think of, I guess trying to fencing practice in the gym with his shiny new foil, curtesy of Mr. Sasuke Sagami. Try not to get accidentally jabbed by a giant needle with a blunt bit on the end, it probably sucks.

Or whatever, do whatever you'd like. He'll basically be wandering around aimlessly mostly anyway, being completely useless to everyone because he's tired.]

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[thank god he knew about the head, because his poor, British heart was not going to be able to take seeing this with no logical explanation in his brain. despite having a good idea what that bag was he absolutely stops and stares, wondering if he was somehow already at the stage of no sleep where he was hallucinating things.]

[... nope, it was ema. was he really surprised. he clears his throat, probably having been on his way to the garden then seeing this masterpiece.]

Ema, is that... [he can't bring himself to say 'the head we found in the fridge.' he just can't.]

[so adorable. Let the powers of science embrace you, my son]

Everyone else around here is still intact, so yes. Ready for your first foray into the forensic sciences? I promise you'll feel better afterwards.

[why couldn't they make a volcano like normal people though...]

Ah- ['let's cut up someone's decapitated head, it'll make you feel better,' says ema skye. well, at the very least that is certainly not something he'd fall asleep during, so he nods after a moment's deliberation. it couldn't be that bad, right? it was science, right?? besides he was still a little worried ema would trail off and impale her hand on a scalpel or something]

[... maybe he shouldn't take like twenty minutes to answer, how embarrassing. he hastily answers:] Alright... where exactly do you plan on doing this?

[making a volcano would be a great idea but we are sadly low on baking soda and vinegar, and combining gruel and drugs just doesn't have the same effect]

[and really, what about slicing open some anonymous body part would not make you feel better? gosh]

The restroom, it's not the biggest or brightest location, but I figured the proximity to a water source should be the winning factor here, since it'll be pretty messy. ...You okay? You're looking a little grey.

[thankfully we aren't low on human heads, what would we do with ourselves otherwise.]

[and he starts a bit.] Oh, yes, fine. Ready to help. [what was he getting himself into...] Are you... sure it's safe?

Let's just hope no one comes in to witness this. [how would they possibly explain that.] Well ah, lead on.

[find the secret to world peace. or draw a bunch of pokemon cards]

[anyhoo they head to the bathroom, science is impending!]

I'm sure it's not any more unsafe than anything else here. But just in case...

[she offers him a knife and some bandages, DIY facemask is go]

I have a textbook if you need. but basically we'll cut him open and see what we find, and hopefully it'll tell us something, or at least be interesting.

Edited (whoops forgot) 2015-02-27 05:06 (UTC)

[at least those are probably a little more sanitary]

[and hershel follows like a man who just continues to have no idea how his day went from i'll walk around aimlessly to let's perform an autopsy on a human head. he takes the knife, trying to squash any face at that prospect, before taking the bandages and staring at them in tired confusion for a moment before figuring out their purpose. diy facemask is a go]

... does the textbook tell you how to go about something like this? I mean... the skull, yes? How exactly are we getting through that. [he's vaguely horrified to hear this answer but he must know.]

[next time hershel can pick what to do, they can make all the pokemon battles he wants]

Sure, I'm sure it talks about it. Anyway, I figured we'd just get started and then play it by ear.

[because she doesn't actually have a hacksaw and...maybe that's not the best part to share with Hershel, he doesn't look 100% after all]

[he's going to pick the most boring, normal thing ever just as a punishment]

I suppose- how exactly do you get started? [he just sort of stares at the bundle] Ear to ear? I imagine you don't just cut down the middle. [...] Right?

[at this point he's imagining the monkey heads from indiana jones, maybe you just cut the top off to get to the brains or something]

[macrame?]

First is observation. We'll take it from the bag, which will smell worse but hopefully not poison either of us. Then we'll check the head for trauma, perhaps we can tell the cause of death, or a rough timeline of when the head may have been removed from the body. To open up and see the brain, you're right, we would cut from ear to ear, though without a saw, getting through the skull will be troublesome. However, there's an expiration date on defrosted heads that we're already pushing, so if we're going to attempt to get any information from it, even partial, now is the time.

Ready?

[tying on her own makeshift airmask, she washes her hands again (possibly with latex gloves if there had been some to pilfer from one of the puzzle rooms, but if not then without) and makes to slice the bag open (preventing cases where the head falls on the floor and rolls away or other such unhelpful starts)]

[maybe needlepoint. whichever is more agonizing.]

As I'll ever be. [thankfully any of the many interesting faces he's making at all this are hidden behind his mask maybe not thankfully, they're probably something. he just kind of tries to follow what ema does awkwardly, and when the bag finally gets cut open he glances away because ughhhhh]

[at least the smell through the mask is only vaguely horrifying] Blimey, it looks so much worse. [that's what happens when you unfreeze bodyparts, bud.] How... ugh, how long do you think it was frozen?

[both, with cat prints]

I...I don't know for certain, but it must have been a while, years maybe. Otherwise I wouldn't think he'd be so--

[she stops herself not due to punishment but a rare flash of tact; the combination of freezing, defrosting, and sitting around has not been kind and gentle prodding (with some previously pilfered flatware) reveal its skin to have a consistency that is distressingly jelly-soft, and jelly slimy to boot, unlike your average rotting corpse and more like a really old chicken(?) found in the back of the fridge far too late. perhaps this was not the best introduction to japanifornian forensics?]

Um, hm. What does your archeological knowledge tell you about this head?

[honestly she doesn't know if there is any knowledge to be gleaned from bones or teeth or who knows maybe under the gross flesh are some pot fragments, may as well throw it out there, puzzle solving is always better than spewing after all]

[probably shit like hang in there, you look purrfect today, bepaws you're worth it, etc.]

Probably... [if he throws up in his bandage mask it's clearly ema's fault, though good tact. he tries actually looking at the head more closely, grimacing as he did.] I'm not sure we really dig up heads, you know. Maybe skulls, not this.

[some of the things i have googled for this thread...] Once anything more organic than teeth or bone are exposed to air they usually rot and disintegrate almost instantly. Not really sure how that'd work with heat, maybe the fact it hasn't... decayed too much means it hasn't been frozen as long as we think. Do you think your book says anything?

[...this should happen]

The freezer wasn't airtight, so assuming the head had been there from the beginning, air or pressure changes shouldn't have been too much of an issue. The cold would inhibit bacteria growth and putrefaction, preserving it fairly well. However, according to the text, for a proper defrost, the head should've been kept at 38 degrees, and while that was doable when the power was out, now, not so much. So it defrosted unevenly, with the outside going faster than the inside, and that's probably why we have this little...consistency issue, from the outer flesh starting to decompose at a different speed than the inner flesh. The slower progress could be due to the relatively low temperature and closed environment in the warehouse. ...Maybe it's cleaner in here than we thought.

[of course that is a lot of words to say 'i could've controlled this experiment better,' but you know things happen okay gosh. this also means that you may as well wreck this thing quick because nature's going to anyway. so she gently works a knife between the gritted teeth, attempting to pry the mouth open

that is when the lower jaw pops off]

[don't tempt me, i don't want to get further infected with puns like you people]

Is there anyway to tell what damage is postmortem when it's like this? [that whole spiel was actually kind of interesting, which he absolutely doesn't want to admit since they're dealing with a gross dead head but. but. maybe forensics is pretty alright, it's important and all, and-

when the jaw pops off hershel takes a step back, making a very undignified sound while doing so, the sound of someone who was not expecting the jaw to just pop off why, forensics, he was trying really hard to give you the benefit of the doubt here.] Why- is it supposed to do that? No, of course not, well... I suppose that save us some cutting?

[bright side. silver lining. this isn't horrifying at all.]

Edited 2015-03-02 22:11 (UTC)

It's...harder. Definitely thought he'd be more...contiguous.

[she takes a deep breath. gotta stay on target. the tongue lolls off-color and swollen in the unnatural space between the now too-wide mouth. the teeth are stained not just yellow but rust, a few are missing. the molars are heavily corroded, and with a light prod one comes loose, easing out of puce-colored gums.

...Ema is pretty sure she has years of murder victim experience but is pretty okay that she skipped breakfast because that just squicked her out like nobody's business. She takes a discreet(?) step back, looking away]

Say, could you check his eyes?

Is- are we sure it isn't fake somehow? [Eternal blind optimism. He sounds like he knows the answer to his own question though. He's not at an angle where he can closely examine the teeth and gums, thank god, though what little he can see is unpleasant. Still- He doesn't look like he had good dental care, whoever he was. I wonder how long he was here.

[Depressing question. He swallows at her question but nods and takes a hesitant step forward, reaching over with the most reluctance to try and pull Mr. Corpse's eyelids back some. This is a disgusting choice, because all that bloating, decomposition gas and all that nonsense is making them bulge out and look more like putrid jelly. At least they're a lovely blue in the places they aren't more like milky goop mess.

Hershel can't help a gagging sound as he pulls back some.] They're... they're not rotted yet at least?

[yes, a temporary strategic withdrawal from the grossest of heads is acceptable. what are we learning from this rotten head? what is the point if we can't even gross anyone else out with it? kind of rethinking the scientific merits here and that is kind of a big deal]

Great? ...What do you do with an old eyeball, anyway? Is that something you learn in school? Archaeological uses for heads and head accessories and the like.

Edited 2015-03-04 06:15 (UTC)

[This is truly a day where hell is freezing over if Ema's rethinking the scientific merits of this outstanding forensic work. Hershel gives her an exasperated look that's sort of lost with the face mask on. ]

Yes, it would be part of our morbid arts and crafts courses. [And he reluctantly glances back to their friend.] I don't know... maybe use them as a Halloween prompt? If you're feeling particularly psychotic that Halloween. I don't think I'm going to be able to look at a peeled grape the same way again.

[her brows ridge a bit, apparently honestly curious about this]

There's never old body parts along with the broken pots and stuff? How do you even know those are pots for humans, then?

And I don't know about you, but I'd just be happy to have grapes, even peeled ones. Even grape snackoos.

Well yes, but it's skeletons, not- [their friend oozes a little, drip drip drip. delightful.] -this. A skull is a little more manageable than a rotting head, probably not as useful in finding clues, though.

... are there really grape snackoos? How would that work? [this is the important thing to ask about right now.]

Grape snackoos were a short-lived bid to get more of the young child market. They were really, truly awful. I have no idea what memory that was associated with but just think of the most artificial, chalky purple flavoring you can imagine and put it on some styrofoam peanuts. It was just... [she trails off, slowly shaking her head, though whether that was punishment related or if grape snackoos were just so horrid as to actively avoid thinking of is hard for even her to determine.] Pains me to say it, but there are some things science shouldn't do.

...This too. Scientifically speaking, I'm not certain we're equipped to find much else out about our semi-solid friend. We might need to put this investigation to bed. Uh, not literally. Since neither of us can access a bed right now.

[this is a weirdly fascinating side track conversation.] ... I never realized Snackoos had such a history. Then again I see they have- [how did he word this. obsessed fans. dedicated snackers.]- enthusiasts. [nailed it]

Well we certainly... actually, did we learn anything? [he glances over at their smelly friend.] What are we going to do with him, I'm starting to think the garden may be a poor choice unless we warn the other, maybe make a marker.

[someday they'll make an ace attorney detective game and it will go into depth on the long history of snackoos(tm)]

[and excellent word choice, even if it seems to go over her head] There're collectors. Big boom around the turn of the century. I think someone wrote a book.

We learned that Zero wasn't completely lying about having a bunch of other victims on-hand. This guy isn't that new.

...We could bury him. Or we could burn him. Or stuff him in the trash and hope that it gets taken away.

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open post etc

ema's a hero

a <s>guitar</s> organ hero

i'm disgusted and appalled by that intentional or unintentional bodypart pun

what if that was the real punishment

you and ichi are killing me with these puns, this is the greatest disaster

what are you talking about such clever wordplay is a lot of pun

okay how much is she paying you, i'll double it

it's not about the money, it's the love of the pain

i'm not sure if i should be impressed or horrified at this unrepentant sadism

in this case I am no sadist, more of a happyist

spoken like a true sadist

well, i have very singular tastes

at least your confident and optimistic about it

should there be more sullen, shirtless brooding in the rain?

i was hoping for staring into the endless horizon as if it held the elusive answers or something

but it is rude to stare...

true, we wouldn't want to hurt the horizon's feelings or make it uncomfortable

yeah, that horizon's eyes are up here, you know

the horizon has a brain and ideas, it's so much more than a pretty skyline

and when night falls, it has some pretty colorful stories to tell

this weird semipun metaphor is getting poetic as shit

as in 'it stinks'?

well some people are into that, probably

...grody