vivarium | CALHOUN HOUR

Early in the morning of Day 84, an announcement booms from the warehouse speakers:

"All test subjects report to the first floor lobby immediately for your next experiment."

Zero's unmistakable garbled voice goes silent afterwards. Once everyone gathers downstairs, they'll be treated to an unexpected sight: Zero standing in front of them in the flesh. Standing tall (at 5'4"...), they're donned in the same piece of clothing everyone remembers them in: a black raincoat (large and long enough that it covers their entire body, leaving no distinguishable features), a full facial gas mask, and matching black gloves. It seems as if Zero really dislikes showing skin...

"Today, you will be participating in a game of, what you may call, 'Bingo'. I believe most of you have participated in this before. The rules and explanations are on the back of the cards." An arm is raised to motion towards the paper cards scattered on the nearby table, then it falls again.

"Due to some... unfortunate events, I will monitor you in person. However, do not underestimate what will happen to you should you decide to cheat, escape, attack, or do anything that will break my rules. Your bracelets are still very functional and my cameras will continue to record every move you take, so I suggest that you refrain from doing anything foolish."

"Now begin."

BASIC INFO ✖ LET'S PLAY BINGO ✖ TURN-IN ✖ POST-EVENT

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ still smiling ]

You just need to lighten up. Why stop our Truth or Dare tradition now?

[you're inhuman.]

Because it's a terrible one! [but, surprising exactly no one, he sighs.] Alright fine, but you go first. Truth or dare?

[ are you just realizing this now. also, i'm imagining hershel's voice cracking as he whines, like so ]

Wow, you sure gave up real quickly. Thought three months in here would give you a backbone, but dare.

[i knew exactly what that was going to be before i even clicked it, i'm proud of you.]

It's not- oh quiet you... [can't even say shut up. he considers for a moment.] I dare you to actually do the kissing panel. [wow ballsy for him... is this revenge]

[ as you should be. i want a gravity falls au with hershel as dipper and jake as grunkle stan ]

[ wow, that is ballsy, i mean for a doormat. jake almost can't believe it. ] What, are you serious?

[jake's spirit animal is already grunkle stan so the au is almost reality.]

[he looks a little unsure before trying not to look unsure.] Y-yes- I mean, yes, that's my dare. [do it, nerd.] Unless you don't want to play anymore.

[ i want a grunkle stan in this game so badly. someone please app me a grunkle ]

Like I'd back out because of a weak dare like that. Just didn't expect you to toss out a dare like that, since you're normally a goodie two shoes, but fine, I'll be back.

[ after filling out that slot... jake returns a bit later ]

There, done. Hope you're happy.

[there he goes, grunkle stan jr. hershel just waves as he leaves, good luck wild child. when he comes back hershel's probably reading or something equally nerd, and he stands as he notices Jake.]

Well, it was the only slot I thought you might not fill out on your own- who did you kiss?

[ jake needs to draw the little dipper on hershel's forehead one of these days... ]

You can find that out for yourself. [ haha he's being tightlipped about this. hershel doesn't need to know who he locked lips with ] But your turn. Truth or dare?

[just not the lamb costume...]

Of course. [he had his suspicions. but he considers a moment, sighing because he knows it's only fair to pick this after what he just did. damn his morality.] Dare.

[ do the lamby lamby dance, hershel, if you want to appease the ghosts of your past... actually, randall would probably enjoy it, that little shit ]

[ hahaha, you just sealed your doom, hershel, i hope you're ready. jake has that terrible smile of his that actually makes him look ten times older, probably ] Punch me in the face.

[ okay, he's not a masochist or anything, but the thing is, he wants hershel to get a goddamn backbone and he thinks it'd actually be fucking hilarious to see hershel get all conflicted about it like haha ]

[let's be real, randall probably would make him do it and somehow succeed, the ass.]

[and at that dare hershel stares a moment, you can almost hear the realization clicking into place just before the stuttering starts.] W-what? Absolutely not, you know I couldn't do that! [you sack of shit...] Don't give me that look either, it's far too violent.

[there's your conflict, loser.]

[ i'll drop jake and app in randall just to have him do that. just watch me. ]

[ hahaha, great, he's enjoying this. look at his shiteating smile ] It's not like I'm asking you to shoot me, you know. A punch isn't going to kill me.

[you have a vested interest in making hershel's life difficult, don't you.]

[have the most unimpressed look, then a few moments of internal struggle before being a doormat wins out.] Fine, you're a pighead, you know that?

[and with a huff he punches jake. it's pathetic. it probably hurts him more, apparently he didn't retain anything about punching or he just didn't care enough to utilize it.]

[ of course i do. who do you think i am? ]

[ jake wins again, haha loser, but... wow, that was the weakest ass punch he has ever gotten. he barely flinched and he clearly makes a face. he's almost disgusted. ]

What the hell was that? You seriously call that a punch?

[this is true, clearly this has always been your life's calling.]

[have a face back.] Well, yes. I mean maybe not a good one, but... [look. look.] I did it, didn't I?

[ some people go on to do things such as find the cure to cancer, reinvent the rock music genre, determine what is the purpose of life. as for me, it's to make hershel's life as difficult as possible ]

Barely. It felt more like a breeze hit me than anything else. [ it was that pathetic. god, gross... ] Why don't you actually put some strength behind it.

[a humble but important effort, i'm sure.]

I have to do it again? [making such a face here.] I seriously doubt any way I hit you is going to actually hurt, you're... you.

[still he sighs, trying to remember the nonsense jake told him about punching and tries again, maybe a little harder.

more than anything his aim is probably off so enjoy getting hit in the mouth with a halfway decent punch from him. he's barely looking. this is pathetic.]

CALHOUN HOUR - BINGO II

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